Tag Archives: unresolved grief

The anger and frustration in the aftermath of a truck crash are not easily resolved.

UPDATE August 2, 2016. PLEASE sign & share the Petition to President Obama to appoint an advocate — a Traffic Safety Ombudsman — to fight for safer roads:   http://www.thepetitionsite.com/384/321/600/end-preventable-crash-fatalities-appoint-a-national-traffic-safety-ombudsman/

So what does a person do with the anger and frustration which inevitably surface in the aftermath of a truck/car crash fatality (or case of serious life-altering injuries)?

That’s what I would like to know because I have experienced it and have observed others — in similar situations — dealing with it as well. And it is not your normal grief (if anything can be called that). Because, in addition to the loss one has experienced, one also often discovers that perhaps the loss was unnecessary — but nothing (or too little or too late) was done to prevent it. Imagine your reaction to that situation.

Then too often one might discover that, not only was nothing done in the past that could have prevented one’s loss, but, on top of that, there continues to be nothing tangible done to prevent future crash fatalities and serious injuries. What then? How would you deal with the feelings upon that realization?!

Indeed, despite decades of safety advocacy efforts to draw attention to the problem of traffic crash fatalities, too little too late is being done to move us toward zero crash deaths and serious injuries.

When I saw a Tweet the other day quoting Senator Chris Murphy as saying that survivors of the Orlando mass shooting experienced a “second layer of grief” “when they realize that those who expressed sympathy won’t take action,” I could relate to it.

And besides which, it turns into not just a matter of struggling with trying to forgive but an intense conviction that there is a good chance that wrongdoing was involved. Wrongdoing for which there is apparently no genuine accountability or liability. Because if there were, then wouldn’t we see change?

Just yesterday, I read a facebook post by a man who had lost his wife in a truck crash and whose son became permanently disabled from that same crash. Most days, the dad is upbeat and handling the hardship of his new life with grace. But at that moment, it seemed like he was experiencing the straw that broke the camel’s back. He confessed that, at that moment, he was feeling anger towards and hatred for the truck driver responsible for the crash.

The truth is that, probably in most truck crashes (and other traffic-related crashes), there usually are multiple factors which have led to the initial collision as well as the final outcome. And the sad fact is that, too often, the tragedy could have been avoided.

Our Crash Was Not An Accident

Are we doing enough, as a nation, to work on solutions to those things which could be prevented? I don’t think so and I have been calling for our leaders to adopt a National Vision Zero Goal, to set up a National Vision Zero Task Force, to adopt Vision Zero rulemaking policies, and to appoint a National Traffic Safety Ombudsman.

SIGN THE PETITIONhttp://www.thepetitionsite.com/384/321/600/end-preventable-crash-fatalities-appoint-a-national-traffic-safety-ombudsman/

The opposition to the requirement and manufacture of the safest possible underride protection on trucks is an example of something which could have been taken care of a long time ago but instead is a problem for which there has not been a truly effective solution–in fact it seems to have been deliberately opposed or at least not made a priority to get to the bottom of and resolve.

A few days ago, I went on a walk in the woods and shared my thoughts spontaneously on this matter:

Do these situations make it harder to arrive at the forgiveness discussed by one writer? Forgiveness is one thing. But when there is no tangible change, and my button is repeatedly pushed, then, of course, frustration and therefore anger wells up over and over again. And that certainly is not healthy–not for the victim’s family and not for those whose actions contributed to the deaths.

Trucker in Massive Rig Destroys Two Families in His Sleep

Mom Takes on Truckers After Highway Wreck Kills Daughters

I wrote about what it was like to face the truck driver whose actions led to our daughters’ deaths: The Court Hearing; Update On Our Trip To Georgia

Now I am struggling with this question for myself: Can my anger at the injustice of criminal negligence (as well as the continued inadequate resolution of countless Traffic Safety Issues) ever be fully resolved if the negligence is not acknowledged, punished, or made right?

Meanwhile, I keep pressing on seeking to make the roads safer — as in our pursuit of better underride guards and my hopes of organizing a Tired Trucker Roundtable.

John Ball Zoo
How am I supposed to stop being angry as long the problems which caused the deaths of AnnaLeah (17) and Mary (13) — and shattered our family — continue on?

A Terrible Turmoil; An Unresolved Grief

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I have been familiar, for many years now, with the concept of anger being a secondary emotion. Now I get to live it out in a new circumstance: being angry due to the frustrations of the inadequacies of the justice system, regulatory system, enforcement system, et cetera of the trucking industry.

The awareness that these problems are likely to go on and on, and be ignored and belittled and result in evermore senseless deaths, leads to a helpless rage. My daughters died…and why?

For those who do not understand my struggle to move through this grieving into a greater measure of peace, I hope that you never have a reason to get a better grasp of the complexities of this dilemma.

It is not that I do not have faith that they are in a better place; I know that they are. But I daily struggle with the thought that if only somebody had done something differently, then AnnaLeah and Mary would still be here.

And because there are so many, many things that somebody could have done something about along the way that could have resulted in a different outcome, I cannot seem to stop asking the question, “Why didn’t they?!” And, will they ever?

A terrible turmoil.  An unresolved grief.

We Rescue Jesus Saves 018

(Related post: http://annaleahmary.com/2014/07/our-crash-was-not-an-accident/)