Tag Archives: grief

Celebrating Mother’s Day as mother of 9, grandma of 3–while remembering those not with us.

AnnaLeah and Mary,

Living and loving and grieving and giving. Carrying on day by day.

Grandma's Mother's Day
A very special gift given to me today, Mother’s Day May 8, 2016, from my three treasured grandchildren

Today, I pulled out some clothes for church and realized after I did that the skirt was the one which I bought after the crash. All of my clothes, which I had packed for the trip on May 4, 2013, were destroyed in the crash. So, while driving from the hospital in Athens, Georgia, to Arlington, Texas, to be with all of our children (minus 2), Jerry and I stopped at a Cracker Barrel, and I picked out a lovely skirt.  The next day was Mother’s Day–one week after our crash.

Today marks the day Mary died in 2013. I will get no more Mother’s Day greetings from her. Or from AnnaLeah.

Here’s a card from Mary many years ago when I came home from a trip somewhere.

Card from Mary Mommy you're home! 2 Card from Mary Mommy you're home!

Grief is so complicated:

How a truck crash irrevocably changed the month of May & every other month for that matter.

I’m having a special day today–thanks to my children and my husband. And I am grateful for it. But while I’m waiting to enjoy the meal they are preparing, I have to admit . . . what is it that I am trying to say?

AnnaLeah and Mary, I will never stop missing you. You are my daughters–from life’s first cry to final breath and all through eternity.

From life's first cry to final breathNever forgotten

It is Ascension Sunday–the day we remember how Jesus left us until that day when He will return again. How ironic: Today is May 8, the day we lost Mary, Mother’s Day, and Ascension Sunday.

None of these words take away the pain of losing you:

How a Truck Crash Changed the Month of May; or What Happens When Nobody Takes Responsibility?

 

A letter from one of Mary’s friends. . .

AnnaLeah and Mary,

Mary had a neighborhood friend when we lived in Midland, Texas. Briley was younger than Mary, but they had great fun together. When Briley moved closer to Dallas, they kept in touch and Mary loved it when Briley would stop in to see her during visits back in Midland.

Last month, Briley’s dad contacted me and let me know that Briley had decided that she wanted to write a letter to us. I was so excited and treasured the letter when it came. I decided to wait until May 8 — the day that Mary left us — to share this letter.

Mary was full of joy herself and she brought others right along with her as she enjoyed life. How she loved to laugh! And she loved the song, “Every day’s a holiday with Mary!”

Thank you, Briley, for being a friend to Mary. She valued your friendship. And thank you for helping me at this time when I miss her so very much — when I can hardly believe that she and her sister are no longer with us. How can it be?

Letter from Briley in memory of Mary with photos

Mary and Marcus with BrileyMary Briley and Marcus

Here’s a photo album of Mary and AnnaLeah with some of their friends: Friends, we will remember you…

And another photo album: Sarah Eaton’s Photos of AnnaLeah & Mary

Mary’s Backyard Adventures in Midland, Texas:

Purple & orange pansies for two colorful girls of ours. They loved & lived life fully.

AnnaLeah and Mary,

Purple and orange pansies were lovingly planted in memory of AnnaLeah and Mary by their Aunt Kathryn on May 4, 2016, in faraway Michigan.

May 4, 2016 AnnaLeah & Mary headstone

Blessed by hearing stories of how our family’s story touched you. . .

AnnaLeah and Mary,

After reading so many encouraging words of comfort today and reminders of how we are being lifted up in prayer, I wanted to mention the indescribable blessing of hearing stories about how our story impacted you — either when you first heard about it or along the way.

Like water to a thirsty soul. Refreshing. But leaving me wanting more.

Never forgotten

All set up for the Underride Roundtable–to create survivable crashes & save lives

AnnaLeah and Mary, Safety Advocacy, Truck Safety, ,

I am here in Virginia waiting to go tomorrow morning to the IIHS’s Vehicle Research Center in Ruckersville for the Underride Roundtable. I wish that I was not here–not because I’m not looking forward to it, because I am. I am expecting it to help move us forward as a country to improving underride protection.

The reason, of course, is that I’m here because we lost AnnaLeah and Mary. And in the aftermath, we discovered that they might not have died if the underride guard had been stronger–more effective. But the federal standard did not require it to be so.

And that is why we are here: to change that. For somebody else.

We stopped at IIHS before going to our motel so that we could set up a table filled with handouts on the history of failed underride protection, as well as photos and mementos of Mary and AnnaLeah. Let no one forget the point of the gathering: to create survivable crashes in order to save lives.

Underride kills

Participants will see this reminder at our table:

 

AnnaLeah. . . gone too soon. May 15, 1995 to May 4, 2013

AnnaLeah and Mary,

Missing AnnaLeah. . .

9d sisters at Battle Park, Rocky Mount 2013 (4)

Minolta DSC
Minolta DSC

1i newborn Mary and Susanna (1)

Some of my favorite memories of AnnaLeahSome of my favorite memories of AnnaLeah

It’s almost like the Lord inspired that artist to make a statue of AnnaLeah and Mary.

AnnaLeah and Mary,

It’s almost like the Lord inspired that artist to make a statue of AnnaLeah and Mary.

Butterfly girls statue 015

I planted some sunflowers behind the statue in hopes of growing some morning glories that will climb up them and put the girls in a garden. Might attract some real butterflies. Vanessa found a bug caught in the tiny butterfly net one day.

I had to thin the sunflowers today and felt bad deciding which ones would get to survive and which ones would get pulled up.

And I would have felt bad leaving the girls out in the rain except I knew that they probably would have enjoyed it–based on past experience! (photos of Mary from May 10 and July 25, 2012–some rare rainstorms in Midland, Texas, and one of AnnaLeah in a raincoat in Michigan with her siblings playing in the puddles).

May Day: Remembering Our Butterfly Girls–Full of Life, Frozen in Time

AnnaLeah and Mary, Safety Advocacy, Truck Safety, ,

Last year, I saw this statue of two young girls excited about a butterfly in a jar. It reminded me so much of AnnaLeah and Mary. We decided to get it this year to help us as we remember the 3rd anniversary of our truck crash, on May 4, 2013, which took Mary and AnnaLeah from us.

Butterfly girls and birds 025

They were a bit older (though not much), than these girls seem to be, when their lives were frozen in time–with no warning, rhyme or reason. Those of us whom they left behind will continue on with our lives–getting older, making new memories–forced to do so without them joining in.

We will be different than we might have otherwise been if they had not been snatched from us. And they have been robbed of all that might have been. Our two fun-loving, creative and adventurous girls.

Imagine how that unnatural disturbance is taking place all over our country and globe as many lives are unexpectedly and tragically changed forever. 33,000/year traffic crash deaths in the U.S. on average. Year after year.

We will remember you, precious ones.

AnnaLeah & Mary: Our Butterfly Girls

 

 

 

 

How a truck crash irrevocably changed the month of May & every other month for that matter.

AnnaLeah and Mary, Safety Advocacy, Truck Safety, ,
So. . . my family is planning a special Mother’s Day. It was fun to listen to them plan the menu–homemade carrot cheesecake & strawberry pie, grilled chicken, veggies, rolls–preceded by an outing to see Captain America/Civil War. Looking forward to it.
 
And I am looking forward to it–figuring, of course, that I will wish AnnaLeah & Mary could be with us to help celebrate and go to the movie with us.
 
Then, after hearing the grand plans to make it memorable, I suddenly realized that Mother’s Day this year is May 8. The day we lost Mary. . .
I will try my best to live in the moment but. . .
 
That is how a truck crash irrevocably changed the month of May: How a Truck Crash Changed the Month of May; or What Happens When Nobody Takes Responsibility?
And every other month for that matter.
12a Christmas 2012 Rocky Mount 066

Was this drawing made by Mary or AnnaLeah? There’s no one to tell me the answer.

AnnaLeah and Mary, ,

This morning, my granddaughter was showing me drawings that she has been making. It made me think of how creative AnnaLeah & Mary were (each in her own way) and the sketchbooks which I have in a drawer. I got one of them out and then was confused: was this drawing made by Mary or AnnaLeah? And when was it made?

There is no one here to answer my questions.

Drawing