Tag Archives: grief

“And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye. Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory’s side.”

When Mary and AnnaLeah were about 5 and 9, we danced together to the song Come to Jesus (Chris Rice). We didn’t get it on video (at least, I can’t find it), but we do have some photos. And quite a few years later (around 2010 or so), their older sister choreographed a dance to that same song for a group of little girls; we have a practice session for that on video.

Yesterday, I created a Youtube video of those little girls for their moms to see. And today, I added the photos of Mary and AnnaLeah dancing before the Lord–missing them dreadfully but thankful that they could “fly to Jesus, and live!”

Come to Jesus

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden’s lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don’t be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall…so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can’t contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory’s side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

by Chris Rice, http://tinyurl.com/ozqgpx4

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Purple balloons leavinggetting farther away patch of blue

“Courage, dear heart.”

Susanna gave me this lovely bracelet for my birthday. Such a wonderful word of encouragement for those moments when dark thoughts find their way in to disturb my peace:

http://simplyputstudio.com/products/courage-dear-heart-chronicles-of-narnia-c-s-lewis-bracelet

http://emmagayle.blogspot.com/2011/03/courage-dear-heart.html

Mary loved the Chronicles of Narnia. For many years before she read the books herself, her older brothers and sisters read them out loud to her. And she watched the BBC videos for hours on end.

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Isn't she beautiful

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I just found this video which someone made  of Lucy and Aslan to the song Wrapped in Your Arms. It makes me think of AnnaLeah and Mary. I am so glad that they knew the comfort of His loving arms. “Courage, dear heart.”

 

Beach photos by The Karths (Naomi & Sam)

Celebrating Life. Figuring out how old they would have been–year after year. Minus 40, then minus 4.

When I was taking a walk this morning and wishing that AnnaLeah and Mary could have been with me to celebrate my 60th birthday, I realized that it won’t be as hard as I thought to figure out each year how old they would have been.

As their siblings get older and leave AnnaLeah and Mary behind in their dust, I was worried that as I age I would have to work hard to calculate their would-have-been ages. It will be easy though. AnnaLeah was born when I was 40 (she liked to use her age to figure out how old I was!). And Mary was 4 years younger than her. So I simply have to take my age, subtract 40 for AnnaLeah and then 4 more for Mary.

I would have been 62 when Mary turned 18. My baby. Whom I was counting on to take care of me when I got older.  (The rest of them will have to take up the slack.) She would have liked the walk I took in the woods today and the frisbee golf course.

Walking stick 01012 Picture 724Driftwood 0018 Picture 657

Trip North 2015 Wisconsin 542family portrait Susanna's dance recital 002baby AnnaLeah and family1bb at the hospital to see MaryI am thankful for my family and the wonderful memories I will always have.

 

 

It is this “conspiracy of silence” surrounding death as it relates to crash fatalities that I would like to shatter.

Some time ago, I wrote a lengthy post. Very lengthy. With the thought in mind that some might not have read to the end, I am reposting it in a different fashion: the end comes first:

“I will be eternally grateful that Mary and AnnaLeah were ready when death knocked at their door on a day when they did not suspect it. I am comforted by a letter we found after their funeral which Mary had written to herself (meant to be read ten years later) a few weeks before our crash. One of the things she said–and which I will never forget–was that she hoped that she was living every day as if it were her last.

The Bible says that, Death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.(Ecclesiastes 7:2) Why is it that Too Often we do not do so? Why do we live and think and act as if we were invincible and invulnerable?

According to Rod Lensch, ‘One good explanation is that death is like the law of gravity. We recognize its reality but rarely think about it. People generally tend to walk into life with hope and confidence but back into death with uncertainty and fear. So the conspiracy of silence surrounding death continues unabated.’

And, it is this “conspiracy of silence” surrounding death as it relates to crash fatalities that I would like to shatter. I would like to shine a spotlight on these countless unnecessary and preventable deaths and call for change–for safety to become much more than a word that is flippantly tossed around without any real and lasting impact.

Let’s be bold and decisive and circumspectly do the sensible and compassionate thing. Let’s do our part–each one of us–to protect those around us from all harm and danger that they might love and laugh and live their life fully.

This morning, as I was taking a shower, I began singing Amy Grant’s song, Thy Word Is A Lamp Unto My Feethttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs-aiQ9NZ1g

Normally, that song is an encouragement to me. But as I got to the phrase, ‘Please be near me to the end,’ I ‘lost it’ as the memory returned of my girls’ abrupt and premature end to their lives. At one and the same time, it was a comfort that He was indeed near them ‘to the end’ and a great sorrow that their ending had to come in such a way and at such a time–so unnecessarily for me to see and bear in my own lifetime, and for them to miss out on so much more of life, not to mention all the lives now bereft of the love and gifts they so freely shared.

It is at such moments that I cry out, ‘May there be an end to Too Often, Too Little, Too Late. And may it come quickly.’”

25 AnnaLeah Jesus Loves Me 052Rebekah photo of crash

Who are no more with photo

You may read the rest of that post here: https://annaleahmary.com/2015/03/too-often-too-little-too-late-a-conspiracy-of-silence/

Face-to-face with our congressman, George Holding, to discuss truck safety concerns

photo with George Holding

Earlier this month, I met with Congressman George Holding’s Constituent Services Representative, Doug Wegman, in Sharpsburg, North Carolina. I was the only one at the “Town Hall meeting” and was able to share the story of our truck crash and some of our concerns about truck safety. It seemed like a productive meeting.

I had emailed Congressman Holding’s office in June asking for an opportunity to meet with him while he was in recess in North Carolina. That never came about until I emailed my contact again early this week and repeated my request. I was then asked if I could meet with him in Raleigh on Friday, August 21, at 11:00 a.m.

Actually, that worked out very well (couldn’t have planned it better myself) because I was dropping our son off at the airport to go back to college in Texas that morning and then proceeded to the meeting with Holding. Doug Wegman was also there along with Holding’s District Director, Alice McCall.

I shared with Congressman Holding that I had grown up as a Republican and was quite surprised after our crash to find out that, in general, the Republican party line related to truck safety legislation consistently appeared to be pro-trucking industry and anti-safety. I am puzzled why there cannot be bipartisan solutions to these issues.

https://annaleahmary.com/2014/07/truck-safety-needs-bipartisan-support-protecting-its-citizens-is-one-of-the-basic-purposes-of-government/

His response — a typical one — was that Republicans generally oppose government involvement and regulation. The problem I have with that is the reality which I have painfully discovered that “safety is not an accident” — it doesn’t just happen by itself. Without rules and regulations and enforcement and justice and requirements, chaos and injury and death are more likely to occur.

At least I have not seen a better alternative. Have you?

However, thankfully, I came away from the meeting feeling that it was productive — a thought echoed by another son who attended with me. We had the opportunity to raise several truck safety concerns, including driver fatigue (electronic logging devices and hours of service), underride guards, and the minimum liability insurance for truckers.

We concentrated on the minimum insurance issue — which has not been raised — for 30 years and therefore certainly has not kept up with inflation. (Is that any surprise?!) The current level, $750,000, set in in the 1980s — adjusted for inflation — would now be more like $3.2 million for  the medical CPI adjusted level according to p. 11 from this document:  http://www.fmcsa.dot.gov/sites/fmcsa.dot.gov/files/docs/Financial-Responsibility-Requirements-Report-Enclosure-FINAL-April%202014.pdf .

And the statistical value of life is $9.2 millionVSL Guidance-2013-2 DOT value of life

I had a binder put together to leave with Congressman Holding. It had numerous articles about the insurance issue, including what the opposition (the trucking industry) has been saying about premiums skyrocketing if the minimum liability is raised — from $5,000 to $20,000. I showed him what I had found out from a couple of insurance companies which indicates that it would be more likely to go up to maybe $9,000. A bit of a difference.

This kind of potentially inaccurate and misleading information has been publicly disseminated and has influenced many truckers (most vociferously by representatives of OOIDA, Owner-Operator Independent Drivers Association, which by the way happens to sell insurance to truckers,  http://www.ooidatruckinsurance.com/) and legislators. In fact, I showed him the House Roll Call in which he had voted to freeze the funding for FMCSA to study this issue — even though Congress had previously authorized them to do so.

I was gratified that Holding took the time to look over the roll call and examine the 10 Republicans who had supported the need to allow FMCSA to proceed with rulemaking on this issue. He indicated that he intends to make some contacts for us, asked Doug to write down some of the names and the people both in the Senate and House with whom he is willing to connect us so that we can continue to shed light on this concern and ensure that the truth of the matter is uncovered.

I was also appreciative of the District Director’s input. When we discussed our pursuit of underride research to support the improvement of underride guards, Alice McCall mentioned that they could help with some contacts at universities, among other things.

In addition, she asked me how to pronounce AnnaLeah’s name (An-na-Le-ah) and said that it was beautiful. I told her that AnnaLeah loved her name and its uniqueness–although she had planned on publishing any written works under a pen name. I had showed them Mary’s braids and said that I was thankful that the nurse saved them and gave them to us. I had also brought along a shoulder bag which AnnaLeah had knit from a pattern in her head.

It reminded me of the many triggers which daily life brings of the loss we bear; as we drove to Raleigh I had seen a car on the side of the road. There was something sitting on top of the trunk of the car and for some reason that reminded me of our car after the crash — demolished with broken bodies inside. And it took my breath away once more to think of AnnaLeah’s life instantly snatched away. And the joy and creativity that were abruptly cut short.

https://annaleahmary.com/2015/05/my-favorite-memories-of-annaleah-well-some-of-them/

Alice also mentioned that she has several daughters. And, I had noted that Congressman Holding has 3 young daughters and a son himself. It is helpful to know that people understand that this is not just a matter of corporate profit but a life and death matter which could happen to anyone at any time.

Interesting articles, letters, and documents on the minimum insurance topic:

All in all, we felt that we were heard and are hopeful that Congressman Holding is likely to make decisions and take actions in the future to positively affect road safety as a result of the time which we spent with him.

p.s. Just read an Op-Ed (by a former executive of the American Trucking Associations) in today’s New York Timeshttp://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/22/opinion/the-trucks-are-killing-us.html?emc=edit_tnt_20150821&nlid=37926955&tntemail0=y&_r=0

p.p.s. Just scanned this OOIDA brochure–found at a truck stop while we were on a road trip.

OOIDA brochure

 

p.p.p.s. Mary’s braids: 49 Mary's braids 016

p.p.p.p.s. AnnaLeah knitting one of her many creations. AnnaLeah at Lake Michigan 11

Almost birthday girl, you would have been sweet sixteen: “The ships have come to carry you home”

Sixteen years ago just now, my water broke and Mary got ready to join her family in this realm. Well, in a few hours.

Tonight, we just finished a mini-movie-marathon (without them) — re-watching The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

So many funny moments and so many poignant lines. Like this. . .

Frodo: “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on… when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend… some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold. Bilbo once told me his part in this tale would end… that each of us must come and go in the telling. Bilbo’s story was now over. There would be no more journeys for him… save one. My dear Sam. You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.”  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167260/quotes

From life’s first cry to final breath, Mary, Jesus commanded your destiny. . .

1i newborn Mary and Susanna (1)Gertie reaching for Mary ...Susanna's film

(Photo: Susanna Karth)

No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck you from His hand. (In Christ Alone)  http://www.stuarttownend.co.uk/song/in-christ-alone/

As you run Into the West. . .

“What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.

Bear's Adventure with Mary photos

Bear Photo Story 1 001

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(Photos: The Karths, Naomi & Sam)

“The ships have come
to carry you home.
And all will turn
to silver glass.
A light on the water,
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.

http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Into_the_West_(song)

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getting farther away patch of blue

(Photos: The Karths, Naomi & Sam)

You were our wonderfulwigglyworm.marylydiakarth  (www.mlk), and we can hardly wait to see you and your sister again.

Bittersweet peace & pain. Almost as if I was there–though they would never be here.

The other day, I was able to visit AnnaLeah’s and Mary’s grave site for the first time by myself. Weeding & watering. Bringing stones I had found in North Carolina from a place they never got to visit. Watching the flickering light move across their headstone as the sun rays came through the tree branches swaying in the breeze. Hearing the birds and wind chimes. Bittersweet peace & pain.

At first I took photos and then realized I could capture the flickering lights with video on my camera. I came home and made a video of it–followed by shots from their funeral and video from a visit they had made to a Chicago cemetery to search for Karth/Wilkinson headstones (2010?) and accompanied by their Grandpa Waldron singing & playing Amazing Grace on his dulcimer. (Oh, and don’t be surprised when you hear Mary’s voice.  While I was filming at the cemetery, I had Jerry call my phone which has a ringtone created by Mistress Mary Quite Contrary.)

I was reluctant to leave and go on to the next thing on my journey that day. But I had the comfort of knowing that I would go home and be able to see it all again at any time–almost as if I was there. Though they would never again be here.

Remembering Mary & AnnaLeah in a Patchwork Quilt of Memories

Last night (late), I finished the patchwork quilt which I have been sewing by hand out of squares of material from AnnaLeah’s and Mary’s clothes–mostly from the last few years of their lives.

A friend, and her family, lovingly started the project for me the summer after we lost the girls. Then, last summer, I begged her to let me take it over. Hours of cutting and organizing and stitching have released and focused the pain and love and laughter and grief and anger in a healing way.

So it is a bittersweet feeling to be done with it. It will be good to be able to use it. But I am not quite ready to let go of the energy which went into that project. Good thing! because I have a box of squares all ready to sew a second quilt — ensuring that if it wears out, I will not have to worry about losing an irreplaceable treasure of memories.

Quilt 052

 

Here are some photos of AnnaLeah and Mary in some of the clothes which I used to make the squares: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.867770979972084.1073741957.464993830249803&type=3

 

Here is a glimpse of the project in progress:

A Day at the Beach with AnnaLeah & Mary; and Mary Loved Thyme

71 Mary garden72 Mary garden 001

Mary loved Thyme. She ate a lot of it the last year or so. We were going to plant some at our new house the summer of 2013. I went ahead and did it without her and used some today when fixing breaded pork chops. Wish she could have been here to harvest and enjoy it.

Thyme 007

I also wish they would have been here to celebrate the Fourth with us. . .

Remembering a day at the beach with AnnaLeah & Mary in the Winter of 2013:

Live life wisely in the present so that you can treasure past moments in your future.

Our family (with our youngest three) had moved to North Carolina in October 2012– less than a year before the crash occurred in Georgia on our way to family celebrations in Texas. As a result, my last, and freshest, memories of AnnaLeah and Mary are from our time here. So as I was driving around in Rocky Mount yesterday doing errands, for some reason a memory of Mary from the Spring of 2013 popped into my head.

Jerry and Mary and I had taken a short drive just outside the city to see a horse farm. We had talked about the possibility of Mary taking some horse riding lessons there in the upcoming summer. Only it was Sunday and there was no one there to show us around. We drove into the parking area and spent a few minutes watching some of the horses.

While we were driving, I was mending the frayed cuffs of one of Mary’s sweatshirts–her Grandpa’s from his days singing in a Michigan men’s group, the Singing Grandpas. The shirt had the names of all of his grandchildren embroidered on it. I had had a friend add Mary’s name to the shirt when we lived in Texas–because he had gotten the shirt before she was born–and it quickly became one of her favorites.

I finished mending the shirt before we arrived home and handed it to Mary in the back seat. I will never forget the simple but heartfelt gratefulness she expressed for my rescuing her special shirt. I am glad that I took the time to do it for her.

And I am thankful for the clear memory it gives me of her appreciation of that little act of love and, also, of the way she joyfully lived her short life. It is a reminder to me to live life wisely and fully in the present so that in my future I can truly treasure past moments.

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rocky mount 2012 17422 (1)

46 Mary 10.41 am May 4 2013

(And I am also glad I had taken photos of Mary with her shirt because it was lost in the crash.)

15 Mary and GrandpaMary and her grandpa in Michigan.

Winter photos 2013 003

(Photo of Mary’s shirt taken on 3/13/2013)

“O sing to the LORD a new song,
For He has done wonderful things. . .
Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth;
Break forth and sing for joy and sing praises. . .
Let the rivers clap their hands;
Let the mountains sing together for joy
Before the LORD; for He is coming to judge the earth;
He will judge the world with righteousness,
And the peoples with equity.”
Psalm 98:1,4,8-9