It really bothers me when people frequently suggest that someone came out of a horrible crash alive because of the grace of God. I have a hard time thinking that because the flip side would be to conclude that His grace did not bother to save my girls.
Instead, I choose to trust Romans 8:28 that He will make all things work together for good and that He will give me the grace to get through what happened. And He did allow it to happen, which has caused me a great deal of struggle with some Bible verses which talk about His angels having charge over us, etc. (For example, Psalm 91)
On the other hand, I don’t think that it is exactly what He had in mind for people to die in such tragic ways. I think that He has given us the wisdom to do our part and whenever possible to do what it takes to prevent people from unnecessarily dying from motor vehicle crashes. He doesn’t mean for us to live carelessly or irresponsibly and simply expect that our guardian angels will always take up the slack for us.
The fact of the matter is that we all have responsibility to do our part–whether it is to drive responsibly or to determine what needs to be done to make our roads safer. This can include so many things such as technology, equipment design, road design, traffic laws, safety regulations, enforcement, and criminal justice.
And so, I feel confident that He will hear my prayer when I ask for breakthroughs in safety issues and that He will lead me in the path of safety advocacy and by His Spirit move through people to bring about change. And when there is resistance and opposition, I will do all in my power to draw attention to it and shed light on the truth.
And when there is tragedy, then, as AnnaLeah’s craft project above says, “In my life, Lord, Thy will be done.”
Did another Skype interview today with a TV reporter who had done an investigation of the underride problem in 2012. Almost 4 years ago and not much has changed since then. And it was before our crash. And his was just one of many broadcasts which have pointed out that something needs to be done about the underride problem!
Is it too much to understand that this neglect of a sorely-needed safety measure which has led to countless unnecessary deaths is very appalling, distressing, and frustrating?
I am glad for the progress being made in rulemaking, but my heart grieves for all the lost lives and the broken-hearted families who have to continue dealing with the senselessness of it all. It just doesn’t go away.
So, I shouldn’t be surprised that it was exhausting trying to move a mountain today and that the loss of thousands and the heartache of countless more is weighing me down.
The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD.
For me, in the midst of ongoing grieving over the loss of AnnaLeah & Mary in a truck crash, I sometimes cannot shake off the gloom of living in the present without them to be able to joyfully look forward to seeing them someday again in what seems the far-off future. Especially at times like Christmas (any day really). . .
This program which I was inspired to write and direct in the fall of 2008 in Midland, Texas, reminds me of the hope which I have.The 4-Act pageant lasts an hour and a half but you could watch it a little bit at a time. Don’t let the length keep you away from the experience of seeing Christmas with new eyes.
Published on Youtube December 26, 2015
One morning in October 2008, I was inspired to jot down some ideas for a Christmas program which would involve ALL ages together and would not be simply about the birth of Jesus Christ but be about HIStory throughout the ages: Christmas Foretold, Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future. This was the result: CHRISTMAS THROUGH THE AGES.
It ended up involving over 60 people (hardly anyone at the small church was NOT involved in it in some way), including all of our family members living there at the time (AnnaLeah & Mary, too). And, as the Narrator mentioned in the Introduction, it has its share of glitches.
It still has power to move me; I hope that you will take the time to enjoy the experience of re-living CHRISTMAS THROUGH THE AGES.
CHRISTMAS THROUGH THE AGES
December 14, 2008, Our Savior Lutheran, Midland, Texas
CHRISTMAS FORETOLD (Ancient of Days)
Congregation: In the Shattered Bliss of Eden, verses 1 & 2
Choir: First Song of Isaiah
Cantors: Psalm 22
Congregation: Ancient of Days
CHRISTMAS PAST (The First Christmas)
Congregation: In the Shattered Bliss of Eden, v. 3
Choir: Do You Hear What I Hear?
Duet: O Holy Night
Kings Kids: Away in a Manger
Congregation: One Small Child
Duet: The Lamb
Congregation: Lord, I Lift Your Name On High
CHRISTMAS PRESENT (Emmanuel—God is With Us)
Congregation: Emmanuel
Kings Kids: I Heard the Bells; Come on Ring Those Bells
Youth Group Drama
Duet: Go Light Your World
CHRISTMAS FUTURE (The King is Coming Again!)
Congregation: In the Shattered Bliss of Eden, v. 4-6
Assembling of the Throne Room: The Lord’s Prayer in Swahili
Dance: I Can Only Imagine
Brief Order of Confession & Forgiveness
Choir: This is the Mystery, Congregation joins in Chorus
The Lord’s Supper
Congregation: O Come, Let Us Adore Him
Benediction
Thank you to all who helped with this program, including:
ACTORS:
Narrator: K.C. Blackketter
Adam: Rod Curtis
Eve: Kris Curtis
Angel in Garden: T. J. Freese
God’s Voice: Jerry Karth
Samuel: Jack VanCleave
Isaiah: Peter Karth
Daniel: Mark Gygax
Micah: Gene Makowsky
Zechariah: John Langhoff
Shepherds: T. K. Freese, Isaac Wilcox, Trenton Fisher, Jeremy Jones
Angels: May Lee, Amberle Carroll, Sydney & Jamie Walker
Sheep: Tori Freese, Anna Lee, Marcus Karth
Mary: Erin Wilcox
Joseph: Chase VanCleave
Boy Jesus: Keaton Curtis
Adult Jesus: Todd Freese
Magi (Wise Men): Kason Curtis, Grayson Stark, Wilson Stark
Cow (Head, Back & Middle): Caleb Karth, Alexander Hoak, William Hoak
Reader (Anna in the Temple): Kathy Odom
Disciples on the Road to Emmaus: John Leather, Joe Gassie
Actors in the Christmas Present Drama: T. J. Freese, Taylor Freese, Susanna Karth, AnnaLeah Karth, Logan Pickett, Cole VanCleave, Erin Chalfant
Apostle John: Mike Gygax
Throne Room Angels: Mary Karth, Leanna Blackketter
The Assembled Ones: All of Us!
WORKERS:
Coordinator of Props and Costumes: Wendi Tully
Her Assistants: Jane Phillips, Marty & Sherry Wallace, Patricia and Jack VanCleave, Mike Tully, John and Nancy Langhoff, Regina Neal
Producer of Kings Kids Practice DVD: Levi Karth
Producer & Director of Motions for Away in a Manger: Danelle Karth, Susanna Karth
Assistant Director: Susanna Karth
Assistant with Children’s Involvement (and Encouragement to Go for it!): Jennifer Wilcox
Program/Service Pianist: Lisa Lee
Prelude Music: Hannah Wilcox
Postlude Music: Katherine Allen
Guitarist: Jonah Starck
Drummer: Cole VanCleave
Choir Director: Amanda Starck
Choir Members: Regina Neal, Linda Scheele, Sandy Brazil, Marianne Karth, Susanna Karth, Emily Lee, & May Lee (along with apprentice Anna Lee)
Cantors: Katherine Allen, Susanna Karth, Marianne Karth
Duets: Emily & May Lee; Susanna & Marianne Karth; Chris & Amberle Carroll
Audio/Visual: Jerry Karth
Sound Dude: Caleb Karth
Prayer Closet: Katherine Allen
Acolyte: Jonah Starck
Directors of Christmas Present Drama: Todd & Melissa Freese
Parents
Lighting: Katherine Allen & Kathy Odom
Dancer: Susanna Karth
Ushers: Jack VanCleave & Gene Makowsky
Technical Support: Isaac Karth
Communications & Publications: Rhonda Carroll
Inspiration for use of In the Shattered Bliss of Eden: AnnaLeah Karth
Inspiration for use of The Lord’s Prayer in Swahili: Rebekah Karth
Thanks, you all! Marianne Karth, Director
(I hope that I didn’t forget anyone; it took all of us working together and then some!)
I just read a post by a friend whom I’ve met because she also lost a loved one in a truck crash. It uncorked those feelings of sadness that the season brings.
On Christmas Eve, she wrote, “I am sad that tomorrow means nothing to me at all. I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I feel nothing at all.”
I commented, “I find that familiar Christmas carols bring on a peculiar melancholy feeling which I never would have imagined. An enduring sadness which I can’t shake. I suppose it is because this is a time so packed with memories–bittersweet–and it takes more work to create new ones (without them).”
It’s a shame really because I love music. So, I’d like to share this song which has the power to bring forth my feelings which are lurking under the surface–along with healing tears.
Our family will be going to Star Wars on Christmas Eve. I know that AnnaLeah & Mary would have been looking forward to it.
AnnaLeah in costume–about 10 maybe?
AnnaLeah could have been a script/screen writer. She wrote down ideas for a whole season of Dr. Who. And here’s a 72 minute LEGO movie that AnnaLeah wrote the script for. It definitely shows how creative she was:
I was thinking about writing this post, and then this morning read these verses:
“. . . in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking upon the sea.
And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were frightened, saying, ‘It is a ghost!’ And they cried out for fear.
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.’
And Peter answered Him and said, ‘Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.’
And He said, ‘Come!’ And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying, ‘Lord, save me!’
And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’
And when they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying ‘You are certainly God’s Son!'”
Matthew 14:25-33
May the [very real] power of God be with you–today and to infinity, and beyond!
When we were headed from North Carolina to Texas, on May 4, 2013, and hit by a truck, not only did we lose our two youngest daughters, AnnaLeah (17) and Mary (13), but we lost the joy of celebrating fully with four of our children as they became college graduates in Texas during that month of May.
So, this past weekend, we were looking forward to a more uneventful trip to celebrate one of our sons’ graduation on December 5, 2015, from Concordia University in Austin, Texas. Unexpectedly, it really became a whole lot more.
In fact, we thoroughly enjoyed Levi’s graduation ceremony as he walked across the stage summa cum laude, along with the party afterwards at a Peruvian restaurant where we were able to spend an enjoyable afternoon with his friends.
On our way back home to North Carolina, we stopped in Arlington to visit with our oldest daughter, Rebekah, and her husband, John. Instead of taking them out to dinner, they took us out to a holiday party hosted by her Tae Kwon Do instructor. There we had the pleasure of meeting with her friends and being there in person as she was presented with an unexpected award for her Indomitable Spirit.
The next day, as we started back toward North Carolina, I found myself going again through many emotions as I realized anew that this trip was the one we were supposed to be taking back home in May 2013 after a week of family celebrations–with AnnaLeah & Mary a part of our festivities and part of the crew returning home. I must admit that the trip was hard–with many memories triggered as we passed by landmarks.
Exit 128 was where the crash took place 2 hours before ours and 2 miles ahead of our crash at Exit 130. That caused the traffic backup which the truck driver did not notice in time and consequently hit our car pushing us into another truck.
This is where our crash took place–about where that truck is is where we ended up after being dragged under the truck ahead of us.
That night, as we decided to call it a day and stop for the night in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, I saw a sign for the University of Alabama and I knew that Birmingham was just down the road apiece. I thought, hey, that’s where Dean Sicking is! We had only talked with Dean on the phone and corresponded with him via email about his proposed Underride Research Project.
So, the next morning, before eating breakfast, I emailed Dean and his Research Assistant, Kevin Schrum, and said we were going to be driving through Birmingham and to give me a call if we could meet. A bit later, first Dean called to say he was going to be in a meeting that morning but he thought Kevin would be available. Then Kevin called and said that he would love to meet with us. We then had a very good meeting with Kevin and even recorded a few minutes of him talking about his passion for research and his confidence that much improvement could be made.
Kevin shared how he–like his mentor Dean Sicking–believes that the underride problem is not insurmountable and is hopeful that, with adequate backing, they could develop a step-by-step solution which could be adopted by the industry to ultimately reduce underride deaths to zero.
We were also able to talk about some ways in which they might be able to help us seek additional funding to back the research.
After such an eventful trip, I did not have much memory or battery left on my camera, but I was able to capture some of Kevin’s passion and ideas on this video:
As if all of this were not enough, shortly after we got back on the road, I discovered that I had missed a call from Mark Rosekind, the Administrator of NHTSA, who wanted to give me a heads up that they were releasing a NPRM (Notice of Proposed Rule Making) proposing that the requirements for rear underride guards on tractor trailers be improved!
We have been awaiting this news ever since the initial Advance Notice of Proposed Rule Making (ANPRM) was announced in July 2014 following our delivery of over 11,000 petition signatures requesting this on May 5, 2014. So this was unexpected excitement to add to our trip.
Not being at my computer hampered the following hours as I attempted to find out as much as I could. A summary of the proposed rule is that it will upgrade the requirements to match the Canadian standards (requiring them to withstand a crash at 35 mph rather than 30 mph), which many U.S. companies are already doing.
However, after a very cursory review of the 108 pages, as far as I can tell it does not address the problem with current standards failing in offset crashes (when the smaller vehicle does not hit dead center at the back of the truck). And the NPRM anticipates 1 saved life out of the 125 reported PCI underride crash fatalities on average annually. (Our crash is not reported as a PCI crash fatality but rather is listed in the federal crash data as “Passenger Compartment Intrusion Unknown“!) What about the other 124?
Take a moment to read Administrator Mark Rosekind’s thoughts on this important development in truck safety:
“Although the responsibility for both of these measures [this NPRM along with the ANPRM on Single Unit Trucks] lands on truck owners, that’s a function of vehicle design more than crash causality. We’ve also taken a number of steps over the years to prevent crashes resulting from driver behaviors, such as drunk driving, speeding, and distracted driving. And, we’re accelerating the spread of crash avoidance technologies such as automatic emergency braking and lane departure warning for passenger vehicles sold in the US.
“But, when we have a cost-effective solution that can reduce the risk of death or injury to passenger vehicle occupants in the event of a crash into the rear of a trailer or semitrailer, our commitment to safety obligates us to propose it. Which is why today we’re proposing this enhancement of current rear impact guard standards.” https://www.transportation.gov/fastlane/nhtsa-proposes-new-rear-impact-guard-standards
All in all, it was quite an eventful–albeit SAFE–trip!
Participating in a webinar last night about Essential Oils and Grief got me thinking further about some of my struggles in grieving the traumatic loss of my two youngest daughters, AnnaLeah (17) and Mary (13) in a truck underride crash on May 4, 2013.
It has been such a complicated grief. I know that writing about it along the way has helped me tremendously (not sure what shape I would be in otherwise):
But beyond that, I would like to say that it makes sense to me that approaching grief in a way that addresses the needs of the whole person is most likely to bring about wholeness. That includes taking into account the ways that our spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical needs impact one another.
A book by Dr. Caroline Leaf outlines the ways that our very memories are neurologically impacted by our emotions and that there is an impact of stress on the health of the whole person. Not only that, but she also gives suggestions for how to “detox” and move toward a more healthy lifestyle.
As a part of that webinar I mentioned, I made the comment that I am thankful for the sensory experience which I have known during my grieving by embracing quiet moments of peace in times outside as I breathe in the fresh air and sometimes the fragrance of pine trees or blossoms and become calmer listening to the sounds of the birds or the wind rustling leaves all around. Walking gives me a time away from responsibilities and reminders of the loss–or at least, if I cannot escape reminders entirely I am able to freely express my weeping heart or angry thoughts in the stillness of nature.
And it also makes sense that essential oils could be made a part of the process of promoting whole person healing.
In terms of how I am dealing with the grief spiritually, I know that God allowed their deaths to occur. I also know that He can work to bring good out of their deaths. I have been an obsessive participant in the process as a highway safety advocate because I have observed that God generally does not intervene to protect people from the impact of collisions and that it makes sense that He has given us the brains to figure out what we can do to make people safer. I also know that nothing I do, or help to bring about, will ever bring them back.
Perhaps it is anger at what has not been done compared to what could be done to protect people from preventable crash fatalities that puts me in a position of helpless frustration. When I think of all the things which could have resulted in a different outcome, it leaves me with a roaring rage at the senselessness of their deaths. How can that ever lead to lasting peace?
Just yesterday, I was on an errand and took a different route than usual–because a major year-long construction project had just finished. As a result, I passed by a house which we had considered renting when we first moved to this city. The thought came to me that if we had rented that house, instead of the one we were living in on May 4, 2013, then we probably would not have been at that exact spot in our journey when the truck driver made the fatal mistake of hitting a car. If only. . .
Of course, I understand that there are so many things out of my control and that no one is guaranteed a long life. Nonetheless, I am quite certain that if we had left the restaurant 5 minutes earlier, AnnaLeah and Mary might be with us still today. Or if underride guards had been made stronger or the driver had been paying better attention (no matter what the reason was that he wasn’t). . .
Perhaps that line of thinking won’t get me any closer to accepting their deaths and being okay with their loss and mine. But it gives me an ongoing purpose of promoting safer roads through Vision Zero advocacy efforts to prevent loss and grief for others, as well as devoting my efforts to preserving the memories of two girls who knew how to love and laugh.
Marcus & Vanessa were particularly close to their aunts–having spent countless hours with them from birth until AnnaLeah & Mary moved away from Texas in 2012 when Marcus was 6 and Vanessa was 3. So the tragic truck underride crash, which killed AnnaLeah (17) and Mary (13) on May 4, 2013, was especially devastating for Marcus and Vanessa.
The other day, I thought about the idea of “interviewing” Marcus and Vanessa about their memories of AnnaLeah and Mary and what they thought could make underride guards stronger. After asking their mom and dad about the idea, I bought a toy big rig and a car and sat down with Marcus and Vanessa to talk.
Vanessa, her mom said, gets frustrated because she can’t remember very much. But I thought that it was important for her to talk about it. Marcus, on the other hand, says that he remembers them clearly.
After talking in generalities and moving to specifics, it got harder for Marcus to talk about it all. So, when my camera memory got full, it was just as well. I took Marcus on my lap, and we cried together–wishing that they were with us “right now.” These are some of the things which Marcus shared off camera:
Why did they have to die?
I wish that they could be here now and I could be doing things with them. I don’t know what we’d be doing. But I wouldn’t be crying.
I thought Mary was going to be fine when I found out she was at the hospital. I was sure. But it happened anyway.
Aunt Mary was my favorite person in the family.
Aunt AnnaLeah was a bookworm so I did more things with Aunt Mary. . . but I want both of them to be here!
Marcus and Vanessa both had some ideas about how trucks could be made safer so that cars wouldn’t go under them and people wouldn’t get hurt and die. Out of the mouths of babes. . .
Marcus & Vanessa talk about AnnaLeah & Mary and about how underride guards could be stronger:
A longer version of the interview with Marcus and Vanessa:
Here is an idea which I read this morning on a friend’s Care Pages message (she is undergoing treatment for aggressive cancer): “‘Be still and know (breath in) that I am God ‘ (breath out) is a spiritual and physical relaxing technique which may help.”
Mary(two years old) & I:
And because music has power to soothe my soul:
There is a Balm in Gilead. . .
“Be Still, My Soul”
by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-?
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897
1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.
4. Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
Hymn #651
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Psalm 46:10
Author: Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752, cento
Translated by: Jane Borthwick, 1855
Titled: “Stille, mein Wille”
Composer: Jean Sibelius, b. 1865, arr.
Tune: “Finlandia”
Child loss is a loss like no other. One often misunderstood by many. If you love a bereaved parent or know someone who does, remember that even his or her “good” days are harder than you could ever imagine. Compassion and love, not advice, are needed. If you’d like an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime, here is what I’ve learned in my seven years of trekking through the unimaginable. . .
