If you lost someone unexpectedly, I think you’ll understand.

I don’t really need to write about this. I should just have a stiff upper lip and all that. But there are still so many moments when I am caught unawares and the grief takes over.

Like tonight. . . my grandson was watching a Rhett & Link Youtube video and mentioned something about “Grandma watches them.” Well, I had told him about them–showed him one of their videos a few months ago and got him started watching, I guess.

But then, I started to explain how they had moved from North Carolina to California about. . . and then I stopped to think how long ago it was and I figured it in “Before/After the crash” “when AnnaLeah and Mary were still here” time units, and I realized that it had probably been about two and one-half years ago–the crash being two years ago and Rhett & Link’s move about 6 months before that.

When AnnaLeah and Mary and their brother and I would watch the new episode every week together on the computer in the dining room. And laugh. Seems like just yesterday yet foreverago. And nevermore.

But not anymore. I don’t watch it anymore. I don’t know why. Some things are just too hard.

That’s all. I can’t begin to describe how it feels so wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all.