I have been familiar, for many years now, with the concept of anger being a secondary emotion. Now I get to live it out in a new circumstance: being angry due to the frustrations of the inadequacies of the justice system, regulatory system, enforcement system, et cetera of the trucking industry.
The awareness that these problems are likely to go on and on, and be ignored and belittled and result in evermore senseless deaths, leads to a helpless rage. My daughters died…and why?
For those who do not understand my struggle to move through this grieving into a greater measure of peace, I hope that you never have a reason to get a better grasp of the complexities of this dilemma.
It is not that I do not have faith that they are in a better place; I know that they are. But I daily struggle with the thought that if only somebody had done something differently, then AnnaLeah and Mary would still be here.
And because there are so many, many things that somebody could have done something about along the way that could have resulted in a different outcome, I cannot seem to stop asking the question, “Why didn’t they?!” And, will they ever?
A terrible turmoil. An unresolved grief.
(Related post: http://annaleahmary.com/2014/07/our-crash-was-not-an-accident/)